Pieter paas haas en sy selfoon oomblik

Nie nog ’n klaag lied nie....net nie dit nie. Nou maar goed, ek gaan my beste gee. Maar pok die mense kan jou bloed laat kook. Grem noem, of sy “wonderlike vriendin” noem dat hy erg is oor sameswering teorie, wel hier is my teorie ons wonderlike 082 diens verskaffer...

Ek moes na my ma geluister het, toe sy in haar wonderlike moeder strelende stem vir my gesê het: “ Daar is nie so iets soos ’n ete verniet nie “. Dit pla my dat ons as mense na ’n advertensie sal kyk en dink jy kry enige iets verniet?? Ek verpes dit om aan te neem, maar ek neem aan dit werk net met sekere persoonlikhede in ons wonderlike reënboog nasie? Want die Vader weet ek kan nie indink dat ’n mens dit sal glo nie. Die ergste is, hul bewyse is baie logies en maklik om te glo en te verstaan. Maar die paranoiese, onwettige klein mars man in my, weier om geprogrammeer te word om sulke snert in te neem en te glo.

Om terug te kom na ons “werk jou deur die ore” diens verskaffer, ek het op jong en naiewe ouderdom, die kontrak van die duiwel geteken saam met my pater(ek was te jonk om self die duiwel se diens te kry). Na vele tande kners en swets, omdat my pater moet bel om enige verandering te maak, wou ek die foon op my naam registreer. Wat behels dit vra julle vir my? Wag vir dit...wag…’n 13 syfer nommer te verander. Alle inligting op hul duiwel netwerk stelsel, is my inligting. Alles, behalwe die id nommer.

“Kan ek die id nommer verander op foon kontrak van my liewe pater se nommer na my id nommer asseblief.”

“Excuse me?”
“Can I please change the id number on the contract for number….”
“Yes sir, certainly sir, that will be 2 seconds and R230 please sir…”
“**Hoes, proes en algemene hart versaking** Uhm...Is this for a new contract?”
“*Laughing* No sir, that will be the admin fee.”
“You realize its R17.69 per digit to change?”
“Yes sir, that is our admin fee.”

Ek is bevrees ek kan nie die opeenvolgende woorde hier skryf nie. Wat is die einde? Ek het nuwe kontrak geteken, en probeer al vir 3 maande die ander foon kanseleer. Hoekom 3 maande? Daar is vir my gesê jy moet ten minste 90 dae kennis gee. Ek bel elke maand van Augustus af, om ’n foon te kanseleer.

“My name is ****** how may I help you.”
“Hello, my name is ******* and I would like to cancel my phone….AGAIN.”
“Gee details…”
“Sir, there is no note or log on our system that you have cancelled the cell phone.”
“Hmm…that must be the reason why I have been paying you blood money for 3 months now?”
“Excuse me sir?”
“No nothing, I have been phoning since August to cancel the phone.”
“Sir you know that you have to give 90 days notice to cancel a contract.”
“I have been phoning since August to cancel the phone”
“I heard you sir, but you have to give 90 days notice to cancel a contract.”
“August I went to the market…30 days…September I stayed home…30 days …October I confirmed the cancellation…And 90 days was known…”
“Silence….”
“The beginning of October, I phoned and queried the operator 3 times. 3 Times I was told the contract will be cancelled and the sim card will be useless.”
“You do realise that you will loose the number sir…”
“I do, but I fail to see the negative side of loosing your number?”
“Silence…”
“Sir if you can give me the exact date and time you phoned I promise to sort this out for you.”
“Wow…**laughing**…you are funny. Our company is small compared to some in South Africa, we don’t have 20 drives to captures all calls coming and going. If they did, I would not be phoning you, using their telephone now will I?”
“Sir, can I make a note that you want to cancel your phone.”
“**Disappointment but respect for tactful subject change** Yes please”
“Sir, your phone will be cancelled the end of November 2006.”
“Thank you kindly and regards to satan…”
“Excuse me sir?”
“Nothing, have a good day and thank you.”

Ek kla nou lekker, maar ek wil dankie sê dat hul my eet soos ’n mielie...want anders kon ek nie “gou” ’n braai reël nie, sonder hulle sou ek nie enige nood dienste vinnig kon kry nie...Sonder hulle sou ek nie die polisie kon bel omdat een of ander hond my been verkrag nie.

Dankie dat julle daar is.